How the POTO Characters Feel About LND
by phanpiggy
Summary: ALW didn't ask our beloved characters for any help with writing LND... So, how do the POTO characters feel about the new sequel? Just a humorous little phanphic!
1. Erik

**How the Phantom of the Opera Characters Feel about Love Never Dies**

**Note: PP stands for Phanpiggy (AKA me)… **

**PP— **Hello, people of the Internet! My name is Phanpiggy. In just a few days, I shall be seeing Love Never Dies in London… Before I go, I'd like to ask our beloved characters how they feel about the sequel! And, of course, after I've interviewed all the characters, I will add my own review of the sequel!

*In comes Erik!*

**PP— **So, you are the Phantom of the Opera (AKA the Opera Ghost, Erik, OG, the Angel of Music, the Devil's Child, the Living Corpse, the Angel of Death, the Trapdoor-Lover, etc., etc.)?

**Erik—**Yes, I am.

**PP—** Holy Crap, you have a lot of nicknames… Now, I understand that in Coney Island, you call yourself "Mr.Y"...

**Erik—**That would be correct, Mademoiselle.

**PP—**And this new nickname is supposed to be a play on the word "Mystery"?

**Erik—**Correct.

**PP—**Well, did it ever occur to you that your nickname should be "Mr.E"?

**Erik— ***complete silence*

**PP— ***mutters* And you're supposed to be a genius?

**Erik—**I heard that!

**PP—**Yeah, yeah, whatever… So, now that the little issue of your nickname is out of the way, let's get on to more pressing topics… What do you like about Love Never Dies?

**Erik—**I'm happy that I get to rock out in The Beauty Underneath!

**PP—**So… you actually _like _rock 'n roll?

**Erik—**Totally, I rock out to AC/DC all the time!

**PP—**(dumbfounded) … That doesn't even make any sense! You're from the 19th century!

**Erik—***smugly* That doesn't mean I can't listen to music that was made 100 years past my time.

**PP—**Yes, it does mean that! How do you even listen to rock n' roll? (Jokingly) Do you have an MP3 player or something?

**Erik—**I have the new iPad!

**PP—**What? B-but how? Ya know what? Let's just move on, okay? So, what do you dislike about Love Never Dies?

**Erik—**I don't know…

**PP—**"I don't know"? That's your answer? Did you even watch the play?

**Erik— **I listened to The Beauty Underneath a couple of times…

**PP—**Wait, you don't even know anything about the story?

**Erik—**I read the first few sentences of one of the reviews… But then I got bored so I went to the new Harry Potter movie—in 3D!

**PP—**… I can't believe this… So, you don't even know that Christine and you have sex?

**Erik— ***jaw drops* Really? Ummm… Is it… Is it good?

**PP—**Sure, yeah, really crazy hot…

**Erik—**This is the best day o—

**PP—**But she dies at the end.

**Erik—**W-what? No! Not my sweet Christine! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—

**PP—**Well, that's all for this chapter…

**Erik— **NOOOOOOOO-

**PP—**Ummm… Join us next time for an exclusive interview with Christine and Raoul!

**Erik**—NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**A/N: Okay, so I just want to say that I have not and will not give up on my other phanphic, "To Love a Ghost"… I promise that I shall post a new chapter. **


	2. Christine and Raoul

**Okay, so it's only a matter of a few days until I see LND in London! Oh, and some of you have mentioned how short the chapters of this fic are. I'm sorry, but I don't have much time to write… Here's the next chapter!**

**PP—**And we're back with a new segment of How the POTO Characters Feel about LND! With us tonight is Christine Daae and Raoul de Chagny!

*In walks Christine*

**PP—**Ummm… Not that I really care that much, but where's the fop?

**Christine—** I don't have any idea where he is, but I'm sure he will be here soon.

**PP—**I don't actually care… Seriously, I care about Raoul just about as much as I care about Canadian politics… And honestly, I don't give a crap about Canada… (A/N: I'm totally kidding—please don't beat me to a pulp, Canadian people!)

**Christine—**Could we just get on with the interview, please?

**PP—**Alright, so what do you like about LND, Christine?

**Christine—**What do I _like _about it?What am I supposed to like about this musical? I freaking DIE at the end!

**PP—**Well, look on the bright side—you get a pretty dramatic death scene.

**Christine—**I suppose… And hey, I do get to roll in the sack with Erik! Gawd, I have a thing for masked musical geniuses!

**PP—**I would say that that's a weird fetish, but… I'm turned on by that too!

*In walks Raoul, drunk as a fish*

**PP—**Well, well, look who finally showed up… Where exactly have you been? Getting wasted at the pub, I presume…

**Raoul—**No, I was not! I was having my weekly manicure at the beauty salon…

**PP—**No one gives a crap about your nails… In fact, no one cares about you in general!

**Raoul—**(muttering) My momma cares about me…

**PP—**So, Momma's boy, what do you like about LND?

**Raoul—**That's easy! I finally get a solo! Even though I'm drunk and wallowing in self-pity at a seedy bar through the whole song, it's still pretty awesome…

**PP—**And, as if I really need to ask, what do you dislike about LND?

**Raoul—**That British bastard, Andrew Lloyd Webber, made me into a totally jackass!

**PP—**As if you weren't already?

**Raoul—**Well… He made me into an even bigger jackass!

**Christine—**Raoul, you don't admit to something like that… Even though you kinda are a jackass…

**Raoul—**So I'm a jackass, huh? Is that why you slept with the Phantom? Because I'm not good enough for you?

**Christine—**Well, I—

**Raoul—**Talk to the hand, sister! And while you're at it, you can admire my fabulous manicure!

**Christine—**Raoul, I didn't cheat on you because you're a jackass—I cheated on you because of your man manicure…

**Raoul—**Men can get manicures!

**Christine—**Well, getting a manicure is one thing, but you always get your nails painted too… What was the name of the polish color you had last time?

**Raoul—**Rainbow sparkle unicorn…

**PP—**Wow, you are a sissy…

**Christine—**And that's not even half of it! Do you know that he owns every My Little Pony ever manufactured?

**PP—**I have no idea how to respond to that…

**Raoul—**Well, my pony problems are no excuse for you to have another man's child! And to think that all these years I had thought we'd created something special from our love!

**Christine—**And I can't believe that after all these years, you've never suspected anything… We never even slept together, and you honestly thought the child was yours?

**Raoul—**Well, I know babies are made when a man and woman sleep together, and I slept next to you every night!

**Christine—**Raoul, that's not what "sleeping" with someone means….

**Raoul—**Then explain it to me!

**PP—**Okay, I'm gonna cut in here! This fanfic is starting to get a little naughty… So let's called it quits for tonight so Christine can explain to Raoul how certain _things _are done…

**Raoul—**So what about the Cabbage Patch Kids? Do babies come from cabbages?

**PP—**Ummm… See you all next time when we shall be interviewing Meg and Madame Giry!

**Wow, this chapter got strange… I leave for Europe on Wednesday, so hopefully I can post one more chapter before I go, then post my review of LND when I get home…**


End file.
